Every Christmas I poll family members by asking them a precise question, “What do you need?”.  By asking them what they need I give them the opportunity to verbalize an area of lack that they may be experiencing. For me,  Christmas is more about celebrating the birth of Christ, while also spending much needed time with family enjoying (and then getting tired) of each others company. Gifts come last to all of that, but since we’re spending money, I want to make sure that whatever we get them is something they are going to benefit from truly.

It’s hard for people to answer the question “What do you need?” The reason it’s hard is that we’ve never been adequately taught to confidently verbalize how or where we might need assistance in our lives. The reason this isn’t shown is that many don’t even know how to identify their real needs. We’re also afraid of being judged. Someone may think how is it that she looks like she has her life altogether but then she’s asking for assistance. We also may not want to rock the boat. If you need help on at work to do your job adequately you may fear asking for it will cause people to doubt your abilities or the abilities of your co-workers, but you still need the help.

I learned this the hard way while waiting tables at Outback Steakhouse during Graduate School which I shared on Facebook and Instagram Live.

A customer asked me what I needed my tip to be when I dropped off the bill.

The question caught me completely off guard. It would catch anyone off guard. I needed him to give me an adequate tip, that’s what I needed. So, I told him what 20% of the bill would be.

He asked me again, and I began to get freaked out. Do I say a high number and risk losing my tip or laugh it off and let him give me whatever he wanted? I told him I needed 20% of the bill. Even though I needed him to provide me with what financial aid didn’t this that year which was the reason why I was waiting tables I only told him I needed 20% and that was all he gave me.

As I collected the billfold, the man told me that I could have had, much more, but because I didn’t tell him what I needed I’d missed out.

Sure, he could have been so righteous jerk that got off on making servers squirm, but he also could have been my blessing in disguise. He could have given me exactly what I needed thus allowing me to quit waiting tables and focus on writing my thesis.

I ended up kicking myself for the rest of the night.

The Solution

Now, asked what I need or want I’m able to tell them confidently. I tell them because they will either be able to provide that need or connect me with someone else who can.

Admittedly I’ve only been able to get to this level of confidence because I don’t have the stress of my finances weighing me down as much as it did before. I’m able to focus more clearly on my goals and the plans I’ve set out to achieve those goals. By working my plans, I can also quickly identify roadblocks that I won’t be able to overcome on my own.

The roadblocks signified the area of my need.

My need for knowledge

My need for assistance

My need for a mentor.

With this in mind, I can confidently answer the questions about my need. Perhaps I need extra education in a new area I’m looking into. Maybe I need assistance on a project or for someone to show me how to do a particular task. My need may even be an example, someone who’s already been where I’m trying to go that’s willing to guide me on my walk. These are particular needs that relate to my goals of self-employment and building my financial empowerment brand so that I can continue to serve others.

My need is specific to my goals. Your needs will be specific to your goals no matter how big or small they may be.

Keep in mind this revelation didn’t happen overnight. To get here, I had to set a goal and follow my plan. Before I could do that I had to break through the noise that was the chaos and turmoil of my financial state. It’s why I take time every Sunday to look through our financial plan that I’ve written down in the Money Moves Mega Worksheet Bundle. I want to make sure that my finances won’t distract me during the week from focusing on everything else I need to do.

All these things work together.

Can you confidently verbalize your needs?